For the first time in more than four years, my wife and I
enjoyed a loaf of homemade bread that was made precisely as the recipe
directed. It is not that we have not had
homemade bread in that long. Heck, we
make bread two or three times a week! It
is just that we have not followed a recipe in that long.
Janice often asks me if I could make this dish or that meal
again, and I flatly tell her “No.”
Again, I am not being obstructionist, or contrary. Since I never follow recipes, and spend my
meal preparation time “imagining” the spices and complements that I should add
to an otherwise straightforward meal, I can never recall precisely what I put
in to each construction. Following recipes is almost a stressful task for me.
We – all of us – live our lives within defined boundaries,
as is expected of us. There are rules,
social niceties, protocols and not-so-nuanced recommendations as to how we
should live. Break them.
Rules, regulations and laws are essential to good, peaceful
society. But rules should be nothing
more than common sense. We don’t steal,
we don’t commit murder, we respect each other.
We do not need the Bible’s ten commandments, the Qu’ran, the Torah or
any holy books to let us know that we need to respect the rights of others, the
physical wellbeing of others and the emotional security of others. Beyond that, we ought to demand the freedom
to be ourselves, and to push our own boundaries.
There are vociferous, often venomous debates ongoing at all
times, regarding what we perceive as freedoms.
We have the right to carry loaded guns anywhere we want. But what does that do to the emotional
wellbeing of those around us? Everyone
has the right to religious freedom, apparently only so long as it does not
disagree with our chosen religion. We
need to be free of government intervention, except when we need a new road
built, snow cleared, hurricane relief or protection from criminals. People have the right to affordable education
and health care, but only defined by our standards, and not theirs. Who is right in these great debates? No one. And everyone.
We need to be able to choose our path, without intervention
or coercion, so long as we do not infringe upon other’s abilities to choose.
And this returns me to my cooking recipes, or lack thereof.
Fifty years ago, unless I was a chef, I would have been ostracized for admitting
that I like cooking. I also like the
symphony and classical music. Forty
years ago, I would have been beaten severely for admitting that, since it must
have meant that I was gay. I think that
I have a duty to help those in need when I can, and that government (me and
you), too, has a responsibility to care for those who cannot take care of
themselves. Thirty years ago, during the
emergence of the yuppie era, I would have been shouted down for being a radical
liberal or socialist. I live a very minimal lifestyle, as it is defined by
physical possessions. Twenty years ago,
my sanity would have been questioned, for eschewing the great American dream. A while ago, I gave up my addiction to cable
television and technological gadgets, except for essentials (for me) like a
computer. Just over a decade ago, I
would have been a heretic, threatening to destroy the foundations of the modern
world. Yet, I think that everyone should
be allowed to choose to cook, enjoy their own musical preferences, give or not
give to others, own huge gas-guzzling vehicles, or text till their fingers
bleed. So long as it does not harm
others. Live your life the best way you
know, not the best way that others know for you!
Cook your life using your own ingredients, and tantalize
your own emotional, physical and emotional taste buds.
Since I learned that what others think does not matter, or,
at worst, is a reflection of their own biases, life has been a constant meal
made with no recipe. I built and moved
to a yurt; a decision jointly embraced by my spouse and myself. I have started a housing project for low
income earners, and found a dozen like-minded people to work with me. We recently got lost in Ocho Rios, being led
into the bowels of the old town by a local, not knowing if we would be able to
find our way out safely. I recently fell
off a roof, because I wasn’t taking proper safety precautions, and learned that
I am still, at sixty-one, young enough to bounce! At Christmas, I received my
customary, and treasured gifts from my grandchildren: rocks. It is an old tradition that I started with my
kids, hearkening back to Charlie Brown’s Hallowe’en special and the practice of
giving coal or potatoes to bad children in England. This month, all of my family will have our
annual barbeque, in February, in Manitoba, Canada, where the normal temperature
is minus 25-30 for that period. It is
our way of thumbing our noses at winter and tweaking the New Year by telling it
that we will not conform. We have been
doing this since 1988. We don’t care what others think. We are embracing life.
The reason I don’t use recipes is because my tastes are not
the same as yours, and yours are not the same as your neighbours, and so
on. Recipes are guidelines. They are little building blocks. Just because you have square building blocks
does not mean that you can not build a round house with them! Start your
innovative life by recognizing that there are good recipes for good reasons:
because a lot of people like them. Then
add or subtract from your recipe for life the things that you do not like and
the things that you love.
And, occasionally, go back and conform to a proven set of
rules, a conventional recipe. Being
normal occasionally can be an enlightening experience, too. Do not fear normal. Just don’t force yourself to adhere to it, if
you want to personalize and get the most out of your life.
Now, can I interest you in my favourite recipe?
